These are the theoretically immutable laws of the universe as laid out by Dave Hughes.
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AKA Just when it's all going well, it all goes pear-shaped. Yes, this is the law that some people call Murphy's Law. Or Sod's Law. It always happens to me, hence I call it Dave's Law.
You know what it's like. You've just been out for the night, and you have had a great time. Your conversation has been witty and entertaining and everyone has laughed at your jokes all night. You even saw that your mates were telling other people about your coolness and sharing the jokes. Why else would they be pointing and smiling!? Then you get home to find out that you dribbled pee down your crotch and have a tide mark on your brogues.
Or you've taken the wife out for a lovely evening of banter and have got on like a house on fire. You're definitely going to be getting some tonight! Then you get hom and discover that the dog has eaten the sofa and vomited it all over your bed.
The more expensive the thing you buy then the larger the bill you have to pay. For example, you go out and buy a Playstation 3 in that cool package that HMV are doing. PS3, two wireless controllers and six games all for less than £500!! You get home, all excited and happy and hook it all up, spending a lovely evening basking in the glow of a good purchase and a few years of game-oriented bliss.
Next morning some debt-recovery agency's letter arrives on your doorstep demanding that you pay arrears from a ten-year-old loan that you apparently never paid off.
This is my theory that throughout history people are, well, people! The older generations constantly bemoan the fact that "it was never like this in my day". Well, with all due respect to my elders, that's a load of balderdash.
The simple fact is that society has been the same since we came down outof the trees and worked out how to pile stones on top of each other. Roman society had vandalism, murder and random violence just as much as British society has. As far as the murder and violence is concerned the only changing element of it all is the type of weapon used and how easy it is to get hold of said weapon.
For example. The UK now has chavs - the new name for the select group of people who dress like idiots and hang around on the streets shouting abuse at hapless individuals. In the 1990s they were called casuals. In the 80s they were called MODs. See the pattern? It goes on! In the 50s they were called Teddy Boys! To take it back to the orignal analogy, in the Roman Empire they were called Senators!!
So your grandad might turn around to you and tell you that "we never had these sorts of things in my day". Ballcocks. Point out that Myra Hindley, Dennis Nilsen and thier ilk were plying thier dodgy trade well before my generation was born...
To be continued...